The Choise of Valentines; Or the Merie Ballad of Nash His Dildo
Date: 2006-02-16T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Bawdy poetry

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Title: The Choise of Valentines; Or the Merie Ballad of Nash His Dildo

Author: Thomas Nash

Editor: John Stephen Farmer

Release date: February 16, 2006 [eBook #17779]

Language: English

Credits: Produced by Charlene Taylor and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
produced from images generously made available by The
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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES; OR THE MERIE BALLAD OF NASH HIS DILDO ***

[Transcriber's Note: Line notes have been moved to the end of each poem from their places on the individual pages to aid in the flow of the poems.]

OR THE MERIE BALLAD OF

NASH HIS DILDO

[BY THOMAS NASH]

[From MSS. Copies in the
Inner Temple (Petyt MS. 538, Vol. 43,
f. viii., 295 b, circa 1680) and Bodleian
(Rawl. MS. Poet 216, leaves 96-106,
circa 1610-20) Libraries]

Edited by

JOHN S. FARMER

LONDON
[PRIVATELY PRINTED FOR SUBSCRIBERS ONLY]
MDCCCXCIX

INTRODUCTION.

Nash's "CHOISE OF VALENTINES" has apparently come down to us only in manuscript form. It is extremely doubtful (Oldys notwithstanding[a]), whether the poem was ever before accorded the dignity of print. Nor would it now be deemed worthy of such were the only considerations those of literary merit or intrinsic value: truth to tell there is little of either to recommend it. But, as it has been repeatedly said, and well insisted on, the world cannot afford to lose any "document" whatsoever which bears, or may bear, in the slightest degree, on the story of its own growth and development, and out of which its true life has to be written. Especially is even the meanest Elizabethan of importance and value in relation to the re-construction—still far from complete—of the life and times of the immortal bard of Avon. In the most unlikely quarters a quarry may yet be found from which the social historian may obtain a valuable sidelight on manners and customs, the philologist a new lection or gloss, or the antiquary a solution to some, as yet, unsolved problem.

"The Choise of Valentines" claims attention, and is of value principally on two grounds, either of which, it is held, should amply justify the more permanent preservation[page viii] now accorded this otherwise insignificant production. In the first place, it appears to have been dedicated to the Earl of Southampton, the generous patron of letters, and friend of Shakspeare; and second, it is probably the only example extant of the kind of hackwork to which Nash was frequently reduced by "the keenest pangs of poverty."[b] He confesses he was often obliged "to pen unedifying toys for gentlemen." When Harvey denounced him for "emulating Aretino's licentiousness" he admitted that poverty had occasionally forced him to prostitute his pen "in hope of gain" by penning "amorous Villanellos and Quipasses for new-fangled galiards and newer Fantisticos." In fact, he seems rarely to have known what it was to be otherwise than the subject of distress and need. As an example of these "unedifying toys" the present poem may, without much doubt, be cited, and an instance in penning which his "hope of gain" was realised.

It is a matter of history that Nash sought, and succeeded in obtaining for a time, the patronage of the Earl of Southampton, one of the most liberal men of his day, and a prominent figure in the declining years of Elizabeth. "I once tasted," Nash writes in 1593,[c] "the full spring of the Earl's liberality." Record is also made of a visit paid by him to Lord Southampton and Sir George Carey, while the former was Governor, and the latter Captain-General, of the Isle of Wight.

From internal evidence it would seem that this poem was called forth by the Earl's bounty to its author. "My[page ix] muse devorst from deeper (the Rawl. MS. reads deepest) care, presents thee with a wanton elegie;" and further on, the dedication promises "better lines" which should "ere long" be penned in "honour" of his noble patron. This promise is renewed in the epilogue:—

"My mynde once purg'd of such lascivious witt,

With purifide words and hallowed verse,

Thy praises in large volumes shall rehearse,

That better maie thy grauer view befitt."

Does this refer to "The Unfortunate Traveller; or, The Life of Jack Wilton," generally regarded as Nash's most ambitious work, and which he dedicated to Lord Southampton in 1593? If so, and there is no evidence to gainsay the conclusion, we can fix the date of the present poem as, at all events, prior to 17th September of that year, when "The Unfortunate Traveller" was entered on the Stationers' Register.[d] This would make Nash contemporaneous, if not prior to, Shakspeare in offering a tribute to the merits of the young patron (Southampton at that time was barely twenty years old) of the Muses. Venus and Adonis was entered on the Register of the Stationers' Company about five months earlier, on the[page x] 18th April, 1593, and barely more than two months prior to the registration of "The Terrors of the Night."

It is curious to note that while Shakspeare and Nash both promise "graver work" and "better lines," they alike select amatory themes for their first offerings. The promise in Shakspeare's case was redeemed by the dedication to Southampton of "The Rape of Lucreece," while it may be assumed, as aforesaid, that Nash followed suit with "The Unfortunate Traveller."

Nash, however, for some cause or other failed to retain the Earl's interest; "indeed," says Mr. Sidney Lee, "he did not retain the favour of any patron long." It is only fair to state, however, that the withdrawal of Lord Southampton's patronage may not have been due to any fault or shortcoming on the part of Nash, for there is likewise no evidence whatever to show that any close intimacy existed between Southampton and Shakspeare after 1594. Probably there was much else to claim Lord Southampton's attention—his marriage, and the Essex rebellion to wit. This, however, leads somewhat wide of the present work.

So much for the circumstances which appear to have called forth "The Choise of Valentines." The next consideration is, Has it ever appeared in print before? Oldys, in his MS. notes to Langbaine's English Dramatic Poets (c. 1738) says:—"Tom Nash certainly wrote and published a pamphlet upon Dildos. He is accused of it by his antagonist, Harvey." But he was writing nearly 150 years after the event, and it is certainly very strange that a production which it can be shown was well known[page xi] should, if printed, have so entirely disappeared. At all events, no copy is at present known to exist.[e] John Davies of Hereford alludes to it, but leaves it uncertain whether its destruction occurred in MS. or in print. In his "Papers Complaint"[f] he writes:—

But O! my soule is vext to thinke how euill

It is abus'd to beare suits to the Deuill.

Pierse-Pennilesse (a Pies eat such a patch)

Made me (agree) that business once dispatch.

And having made me vndergo the shame,

Abusde me further, in the Deuills name:

And made [me] Dildo (dampned Dildo) beare,

Till good men's hate did me in peeces teare.

As regards the manuscript copies there are one or two points worthy of note. At present we know of two, more or less incomplete, but each of which supplements, in some degree, the other. These MSS. are respectively in the Bodleian (Rawl. MS. Poet, 216) and the Inner Temple (Petyt MS. 538, vol. 43, p. viii., 295b.) libraries. Both texts are obviously corrupt, the Rawlinson abominably so. Probably the former was written out from memory alone, while the Petyt, if not a transcript direct from the original is, at any rate, very near to it.

The Bodleian version is written on paper in a small oblong leather-covered book, originally with clasps. The penmanship is early 17th century, probably about 1610-20. It is thus catalogued:— ..."E libris Matt.[page xii] Postlethwayt, Aug. 1, 1697. Perhaps (earlier) Henry Price owned the book." The volume contains besides an English transcript of Ovid's "Arte Amandis" and some amatory poems.[g] The date of the Petyt text may be about.... It is written in a miscellaneous, folio, commonplace-book, and in the catalogue it is described as "an obscene poem, entitled 'The Choosing of Valentines,' by Thomas Nash. The first 17 lines are printed at p. lx. of the Preface to vol i. of Mr. Grosart's edition of Nash's works, as if they formed the whole piece."[h]

Nothing is known of Postlethwayt and Price, who at one time owned the Rawlinson copy, that throws light on its source. In the Petyt, however, we get a suppositional explanation of its manifestly purer text. Petyt, subsequent to his call to the Bar, in 1670, was for many years Keeper of the Records in the Tower of London. Now we know that Lord Essex, an intimate friend and connection of the Earl of Southampton, and like Southampton a generous and discerning patron of letters, was for some time in the "free custody" of the Lord Keeper of the Tower. Further, Southampton, who had joined Essex in his rebellion, had been tried and convicted with his friend, and though the Queen spared his life, he was not released from the Tower until the ascension of James I. It is not unlikely, therefore, that a copy of Nash's manuscript made for Lord Essex passed, on the execution[page xiii] of the latter, with other papers and documents, into the official custody of the Lord Keeper, to be subsequently unearthed by his successor, Petyt, who, with a taste for the "curious," had it copied for his own edification. This supposition is further borne out as follows: The particular commonplace book in which this poem occurs has been written by various hands. In the same handwriting as, and immediately preceding "The Choise of Valentines," are two poetical effusions dedicated "To the Earl of Essex," both apparently written when he was in prison and under sentence of death. The other contents of the volume are likewise contemporaneous.

All things considered, then, the Petyt text, although transcribed about fifty years later, has weightier claims to attention than the version in the Rawlinson MSS. I have, therefore, adopted the former as a basis, giving the Rawlinson variations in the form of notes. A few of these are obviously better readings than those of the Petyt text: the reader cannot fail to distinguish these. In the main, however, the Inner Temple version will be found consistent with its particular dedication, whilst the Rawlinson variations appear due to an attempt, signally unsuccessful, to adapt the poem for general use.

For the rest I have faithfully adhered to the original in the basic text, and in the variorum readings, except in one particular. The Rawlinson MS. is altogether guiltless of punctuation, while the Petyt copy has been carelessly "stopped" by the scribe: I have therefore given modern punctuation.

J.S.F.

FOOTNOTES
a   See page x.

b   Have with you to Saffron Walden, iii., 44.

c   Terrors of the Night.

d   It is true that Nash, in his dedication of the "Unfortunate Traveller," speaks of it as his "first offering." This, however, must be taken rather as meaning his first serious effort in acknowledgment of his patron's bounty, for in "The Terrors of the Night" (registered on the 30th June, 1593), he somewhat effusively acknowledges his indebtedness to Lord Southampton:—"Through him my tender wainscot studie doore is delivered from much assault and battrie: through him I looke into, and am looked on in the world: from whence otherwise I were a wretched banished exile. Through him all my good is conueighed vnto me; and to him all my endeavours shall be contributed as to the ocean." Again, as evidence that Nash had addressed himself to Southampton prior to his dedication of "The Unfortunate Traveller," we glean from his promise ("Terrors of the Night") "to embroyder the rich store of his eternal renoune" in "some longer Tractate."

e   At the same time it must be stated that the scandal of the controversy between Nash and Harvey became so notorious that in 1599 it was ordered by authority "that all Nashes books and Dr. Harvey's books be taken wheresoever they may be found and that none of the said books be ever printed hereafter" (COOPER, Athenæ Cant. ii. 306).

f   Davies [Grosart, Works (1888) 1-75, lines 64-72.]

g  These have been incorporated in "National Ballad and Song" (Section 2, Merry Songs and Ballads, Series 1).

h   This is not quite correct. The title in the MS. runs "The Choise of Valentines," and Dr. Grosart purports to give the first eighteen lines, but in transcription he has omitted line 4.

[page 1]

TO THE RIGHT
honorable the Lord S.[a]

ardon, sweete flower of Matchles° poetrie,

And fairest bud the red rose euer bare°;

Although my Muse, devorst from deeper care°,

4

Presents thee with° a wanton Elegie.

[page 2]

Ne° blame my verse of loose unchastitie

For painting forth the things that hidden are°,

Since all men acte what I in speache declare,

8

Onlie induced with varietie°.

Complants and praises° euery one can write,

And passion out their pangu's in statlie rimes°;

But of loues pleasures none did euer write°,

12

That have succeeded in theis latter times°.

Accept of it, Deare Lord°, in gentle gree,

And better lynes, ere long°, shall honor thee.

NOTES
a   Henry Wriothesley, the Earl of Southampton, and Baron of Titchfield. The dedication is absent in the Rawlinson text: cf. variorum reading in line 13.

1   Matchles, machles.

2   the red rose euer bare, that euer red rose bare.

3   devorst from deeper care, diuert from deepest care. Nash was notoriously impecunious all through his life, and probably reference is here made to some bounty received at the hands of Lord Southampton (see Introduction). What patronage meant at times is gleaned from Florio's dedication of The Worlde of Wordes in 1598 to the same nobleman. He says:—"In truth I acknowledge an entire debt, not only of my best knowledge, but of all; yea, of more than I know, or care, to your bounteous lordship, in whose pay and patronage I have lived some years.... But, as to me, and many more, the glorious and gracious sunshine of your honour hath infused light and life." Rowe also tells a story of Lord Southampton's munificence to Shakspeare. It is said that he gave the poet £1,000 (equal to £12,000 now-a-days) to complete a special purchase. Whether this story be true or not, it is certain that Lord Southampton was a most liberal patron of letters.

4   Presents thee with, Presentes you with.

5   "Ne" = Nor, A.S.; unchastitie, inchastitye.

6   painting, paynting; things, thinges; hidden are, hidden be.

7 & 8   In Rawl. MS. these lines are transposed. Since all men act, sith most men marke; speache declare, speech descrie; Onlie, only; varietie, varyetye.

9   Complants and praises euery one, Complayntes & prayses every man.

10   passion out, passion forth; their pangu's, there loue; statlie rimes, statly rime.

11   pleasures none, pleasure non; euer write, e're indite.

12   theis latter times, this latter time.

13   Deare Lord, deare loue. A significant reading in view of the absence of the dedication in the Rawl. MS. "Accept ... in gentle gree," to take kindly.

14   And better lynes ere long, And better farr, ere long (see Introduction).

[page 3]

THE CHOOSING°

OF VALENTINES.

t was the merie moneth of Februarie,

When yong men, in their iollie roguerie°,

Rose earelie in the morne fore° breake of daie,

4

To seeke them valentines soe trimme and gaie°;

With whom they maie consorte in summer sheene°,

And dance the haidegaies° on our toune-greene,

As alas at Easter°, or at Pentecost,

8

Perambulate° the fields that flourish most;

[page 4]

And goe to som village abbordring° neere,

To taste the creame and cakes° and such good cheere;

Or° see a playe of strange moralitie,

12

Shewen by Bachelrie of Maningtree°.

Where to, the contrie franklins° flock-meale swarme,

And Jhon and Jone com° marching arme in arme.

Euen on the hallowes of that blessed Saint°

16

That doeth true louers° with those ioyes acquaint,

I went, poore pilgrime, to my ladies° shrine,

To see if she would be my valentine°;

But woe, alass°, she was not to be found,

20

For she was shifted to an upper° ground:

Good Justice Dudgeon-haft, and crab-tree face°,

With bills and staues had scar'd hir° from the place;

[page 5]

And now she was compel'd, for Sanctuarie°,

24

To flye unto a house of venerie°.

Thither went I, and bouldlie made enquire°

If they had hackneis° to lett-out to hire,

And what they crau'd°, by order of their trade,

28

To lett one ride a iournie on a iade.

Therwith out stept a foggy three-chinnd dame°,

That us'd to take yong° wenches for to tame,

And ask't° me if I ment as I profest,

32

Or onelie ask't° a question but in iest.

"In iest?" quoth I; "that terme it° as you will;

I com for game, therefore give me my Jill°."

"Why Sir," quoth shee, "if that be your demande°,

36

Com, laye me a Gods-pennie° in my hand;

[page 6]

For, in our oratorie siccarlie°,

None enters heere, to doe his nicarie°,

But he must paye his offertorie° first,

40

And then, perhaps, wee'le° ease him of his thirst."

I, hearing hir° so ernest for the box,

Gave hir hir° due, and she the dore unlocks.

In am I entered:° "venus be my speede!

44

But where's this female° that must do this deed"?

By blinde meanders, and by crankled° wayes,

Shee leades me onward, (as my Aucthor saies°),

Vntill we came within a shadie° loft

48

Where venus bounsing vestalls skirmish° oft;

And there shee sett me in a leather chaire°,

And brought me forth, of prettie Trulls°, a paire,

[page 7]

To chuse of them which might content myne° eye;

52

But hir I sought, I could nowhere espie°.

I spake them faire, and wisht them° well to fare—

"Yet° soe yt is, I must haue fresher ware;

Wherefore, dame Bawde, as daintie as you bee°,

56

Fetch gentle mistris Francis forth to° me."

"By Halliedame°," quoth she, "and Gods oune mother,

I well perceaue you are a wylie° brother;

For if there be a morsell of more° price,

60

You'll smell it out, though I be nare so° nice.

As you desire, so shall you swiue with hir°,

But think, your purse-strings shall abye-it deare°;

For, he that will eate quailes must lauish crounes°,

64

And Mistris Francis, in her veluett gounes°,

And ruffs and perwigs as fresh as Maye°,

Can not be kept with half a croune° a daye."

[page 8]

"Of price, good hostess°, we will not debate,

68

Though° you assize me at the highest rate;

Onelie conduct me to this bonnie° bell.

And tenne good gobbs I will unto thee tell°,

Of golde or siluer, which shall lyke thee° best,

72

So much doe I hir companie° request."

Awaie° she went: so sweete a thing is golde,

That (mauger) will inuade° the strongest holde.

"Hey-ho! she coms, that hath my hearte in keepe°

76

Sing Lullabie, my cares, and falle a-sleepe°."

Sweeping she coms°, as she would brush the ground;

Hir ratling silkes my sences doe confound°.

"Oh, I am rauisht: voide the chamber streight°;

80

For I must neede's upon hir° with my weight."

[page 9]

"My Tomalin," quoth shee, and then she smilde°.

"I, I," quoth I, "soe more men are beguild°

With smiles, with flatt'ring wordes, and fained cheere°,

84

When in their deedes their falsehood doeth appeare°."

"As how, my lambkin," blushing, she replide°,

"Because I in this dancing° schoole abide?

If that it be, that breede's this° discontent,

88

We will remoue the camp° incontinent:

For shelter onelie, sweete heart, came° I hither,

And to auoide the troblous stormie° weather;

But now the coaste is cleare, we will° be gonne,

92

Since, but thy self, true louer° I haue none."

With that she sprung full lightlie to my lips°,

And fast about the neck me colle's, and clips°;

[page 10]

She wanton faints°, and falle's vpon hir bedd,

96

And often tosseth° too and fro hir head;

She shutts hir eyes°, and waggles with her tongue:

"Oh, who is able to abstaine so long?°"

"I com! I com! sweete lyning be° thy leaue:"

100

Softlie my fingers up theis curtaine heaue°,

And make me happie, stealing by degreese°.

First bare hir leggs, then creepe up to hir kneese°;

From thence ascend unto her mannely° thigh—

104

(A pox on lingring when I am so° nighe!).

Smock, climbe° a-pace, that I maie see my ioyes;

Oh heauen and paradize are all° but toyes

Compar'd with this sight I now° behould,

108

Which well might keepe a man from being olde.

A prettie rysing wombe without a weame°,

That shone as bright as anie siluer streame°;

[page 11]

And bare out like the bending of an° hill,

112

At whose decline a fountaine dwelleth still°;

That hath his mouth besett with uglie bryers°,

Resembling much a duskie nett of wyres°;

A loftie buttock, barrd with azure veines°,

116

Whose comelie swelling, when my hand distreines°,

Or wanton checketh with a harmlesse stype°,

It makes the fruites of loue oftsoone° be rype,

And pleasure pluckt too tymelie from the stemme°

120

To dye ere it hath seene Jerusalem°.

O Gods! that euer anie thing so° sweete,

So suddenlie should fade awaie°, and fleete!

Hir armes are spread, and I am all unarm'd°,

124

Lyke one with Ouid's cursed hemlocke charm'd°;

So are my Limms unwealdlie for the fight°

That spend their strength in thought of hir° delight.

[page 12]

What shall I doe to shewe my self a man?

128

It will not be for ought that beawtie can°.

I kisse, I clap, I feele°, I view at will,

Yett dead he lyes°, not thinking good or ill.

"Unhappie me," quoth shee, "and wilt' not stand?°

132

Com, lett me rubb and chafe° it with my hand!

Perhaps the sillie worme is labour'd° sore,

And wearied that it can° doe noe more;

If it be so, as I am greate a-dread°,

136

I wish tenne thousand times that I were° dead.

How ere it is, no meanes shall want° in me,

That maie auaile to his recouerie°."

Which saide, she tooke and rould it on hir thigh°,

140

And when she look't on't, she would weepe and sighe;°

She dandled it, and dancet it up and doune°,

Not ceasing till she rais'd it from his swoune°.

[page 13]

And then he flue on hir as he° were wood,

144

And on hir breeche did hack and foyne° a-good;

He rub'd, and prickt, and pierst her° to the bones,

Digging as farre as eath° he might for stones;

Now high, now lowe, now stryking° shorte and thicke;

148

Now dyuing deepe, he toucht hir° to the quicke;

Now with a gird° he would his course rebate,

Straite would he take him to a statlie° gate;

Plaie while him list, and thrust he neare so° hard,

152

Poore pacient Grissill lyeth at hir warde°,

And giue's, and takes, as blythe and free° as Maye,

And ere-more meete's him in the midle° waye.

On him hir eyes continualy° were fixt;

156

With hir eye-beames his melting looke's° were mixt,

Which, like the Sunne, that twixt two glasses plaies°,

From one to th' other cast's rebounding° rayes.

[page 14]

He, lyke a starre that, to reguild° his beames

160

Sucks-in the influence of Phebus° streames,

Imbathes the lynes of his descending° light

In the bright fountaines of hir clearest sight°.

She, faire as fairest Planet° in the skye,

164

Hir puritie° to noe man doeth denye;

The verie chamber that enclouds° her shine

Lookes lyke the pallace of that God deuine°,

Who leades the daie about the Zodiake°,

168

And euerie euen discends to th'oceane° lake;

So fierce and feruent is her radiance°,

Such fyrie stakes she darts at euerie glance°

As might enflame the icie limmes° of age,

172

And make pale death his seignedrie to aswage;°

To stand and gaze upon her orient lamps°,

Where Cupid all his chiefest ioyes encamps°,

[page 15]

And sitts, and playes with euery atomie°

176

That in hir Sunne-beames swarme aboundantlie.

Thus gazing, and thus striuing, we perseuer°:

But what so firme that maie continue euer?°

"Oh not so fast," my rauisht Mistriss cryes°,

180

"Leaste my content, that on° thy life relyes,

Be brought too-soone from his delightfull seate°,

And me unwares of hoped bliss defeate°.

Together lett us marche unto content°,

184

And be consumed with one blandishment°."

As she prescrib'd so kept we crotchet-time°,

And euerie stroake in ordre lyke a chyme°,

Whilst she, that had preseru'd me by hir pittie°,

188

Unto our musike fram'd a groaning dittie°.

[page 16]

"Alass! alass! that loue should be a sinne!

Euen now my blisse and sorrowe doeth° beginne.

Hould wyde thy lapp, my louelie° Danae,

192

And entretaine the golden shoure so free°,

That trikling falles° into thy treasurie.

As Aprill-drops not half so° pleasant be,

Nor Nilus overflowe to Ægipt plaines°

196

As this sweet-streames that all hir ioints imbaynes°.

With "Oh!" and "Oh!" she itching moues hir hipps°,

And to and fro full lightlie starts and skips°:

She ierkes hir leggs, and sprauleth° with hir heeles;

200

No tongue maie tell the solace° that she feeles,

"I faint! I yeald! Oh, death! rock me° a-sleepe!

Sleepe! sleepe desire! entombed° in the deepe!"

"Not so, my deare," my dearest saint° replyde,

204

"For, from us yett, thy spirit maie° not glide

[page 17]

Untill the sinnowie channels° of our blood

Without their source from this imprisoned° flood;

And then will we (that then will com too° soone),

208

Dissolued lye, as though our dayes were donne."

The whilst I speake, my soule is fleeting° hence,

And life forsakes his fleshie° residence.

Staie, staie sweete ioye, and leaue me not forlorne

212

Why shouldst thou fade that art but newelie borne?

"Staie but an houre, an houre° is not so much:

But half an houre; if that° thy haste is such,

Naie, but a quarter—I will aske no more—

216

That thy departure (which torments me sore),

Maie be alightned with a little pause°,

And take awaie this passions sudden° cause."

He heare's me not; hard-harted as he is,

220

He is the sonne of Time, and hates my blisse.

Time nere looke's backe, the riuers nere returne;°

A second springe must help me or° I burne.

[page 18]

No, no, the well is drye that should refresh me°,

224

The glasse is runne of all my destinie:

Nature of winter learneth nigardize

Who, as he ouer-beares the streame with ice

That man nor beaste maie of their pleasance taste,

228

So shutts she up hir conduit all in haste,

And will not let hir Nectar ouer-flowe,

Least mortall man immortall ioyes should knowe.

Adieu! unconstant loue, to thy disporte

232

Adieu! false mirth, and melodie too short;

Adieu! faint-hearted instrument of lust;

That falselie hath betrayde our equale trust.

Hence-forth no more will I implore thine° ayde,

236

Or thee, or man of cowardize upbrayde°.

My little dilldo shall suply° their kinde:

A knaue, that moues° as light as leaues by winde;

That° bendeth not, nor fouldeth anie deale,

240

But stands as stiff as he were made of steele;

And playes at peacock twixt my leggs right blythe°,

And doeth my tickling swage with manie a sighe.

[page 19]

For, by saint Runnion! he'le° refresh me well;

244

And neuer make my tender bellie° swell.

Poore Priapus! whose triumph now must falle°,

Except thou thrust this weakeling to the walle°.

Behould! how he usurps, in bed and bowre°

248

And undermines thy kingdom euerie howre;°

How slye he creepes betwixt° the barke and tree,

And sucks the sap, whilst sleepe detaineth° thee.

He is my Mistris page at euerie stound°,

252

And soone will tent° a deepe intrenched wound.

He wayte's on Courtlie Nimphs that be so° coye,

And bids them skorne the blynd-alluring° boye.

He giues yong guirls their gamesome sustenance°,

256

And euerie gaping mouth his full sufficeance.

He fortifies disdaine with forraine° artes,

And wanton-chaste deludes° all loving hartes.

[page 20]

If anie wight a cruell mistris serue's°,

260

Or, in dispaire, (unhappie) pines and staru's°,

Curse Eunuke dilldo, senceless counterfet°

Who sooth maie fill, but never can begett.

But, if revenge enraged with dispaire,

264

That such a dwarf his wellfare should empaire,

Would faine this womans secretarie° knowe,

Lett° him attend the markes that I shall showe:

He is a youth almost two handfulls highe°,

268

Streight, round, and plumb, yett hauing° but one eye,

Wherein the rhewme so feruentlie doeth raigne°,

That Stigian gulph maie scarce his teares containe;°

Attired in white veluet°, or in silk,

272

And nourisht with whott water, or with milk°,

Arm'd otherwhile° in thick congealed glasse,

When he, more glib, to hell be lowe° would passe.

[page 21]

Vpon a charriot of five wheeles he rydes°,

276

The which an arme strong driuer stedfast° guides,

And often alters pace as wayes growe deepe,

(For who, in pathes unknowne°, one gate can keepe?)

Sometimes he smoothlie slideth doune° the hill;

280

Another while°, the stones his feete doe kill;

In clammie waies he treaddeth° by and by,

And plasheth and sprayeth all that be him nye°.

So fares this iollie rider° in his race,

284

Plunging and sousing forward in lyke° case,

He dasht, and spurted, and he plodded° foule,

God giue thee shame, thou blinde° mischapen owle!

Fy-fy, for grief: a ladies chamberlaine°,

288

And canst not thou thy tatling tongue refraine?°

I reade thee beardles blab°, beware of stripes,

And be aduised what thou vainelie° pipes;

[page 22]

Thou wilt be whipt with nettles for this geare°

292

If Cicelie shewe but of thy knauerie° heere.

Saint Denis shield me from such female sprites!°

Regarde not, Dames, what Cupids Poete° writes:

I pennd this storie onelie° for my selfe,

296

Who, giuing suck unto a childish Elfe°,

And quitte discourag'd in my nurserie°,

Since all my store seemes to hir penurie°.

I am not as was Hercules the stout,

300

That to the seaventh iournie° could hould out;

I want those hearbe's and rootes of Indian soile°,

That strengthen wearie members in their toile°—

Druggs and Electuaries of new devise°,

304

Doe shunne my purse, that trembles at the price°.

Sufficeth all I haue, I yeald hir hole°

Which, for a poore man, is a princelie dole,

[page 23]

I paie our hostess scott and lott at moste°,

308

And looke as leane and lank as anie° ghoste;

What can° be added more to my renowne?

She lyeth breathlesse; I am taken doune;°

The waves doe swell, the tydes climbe or'e the banks;°

312

Judge, gentlemen! if I deserue not thanks?°

And so, good night! unto° you euer'ie one;

For loe, our thread is spunne, our plaie is donne°.

Claudito iam vinos Priapa, sat prata biberunt [sic[a]].

Tho. Nash.

a   This does not scan; and, moreover, seems incorrectly transcribed, even making allowance for Nash's adaptation of a well-known line; cf. Virgil, Eclogue iii., line 111—"Claudite jam rivos, pueri, sat prata biberunt," "Now shut the hatches (in the banks of the stream), O lads, the pastures have drunk enough."

[page 25]

hus[*] hath my penne presum'd to please my friend—

Oh mightst thou lykewise please Apollo's eye.

No, Honor brooke's no such impietie,

Yett Ouids wanton Muse did not offend.

He is the fountaine whence my streames doe flowe—

Forgive me if I speake as I was taught,

A lyke to women, utter all I knowe,

As longing to unlade so bad a fraught.

My mynde once purg'd of such lasciuious witt,

With purifide words and hallowed verse,

Thy praises in large volumes shall rehearce,

That better maie thy grauer view befitt.

Meanewhile yett rests, you smile at what I write;

Or, for attempting, banish me your sight.

Thomas Nash.

*   Quite detached, on page 94 of the Rawl. MS. (the text commences on page 96), are a few lines entitled "The Epilogue," which are obviously part of the above, albeit more than usually imperfectly copied. Why so placed does not appear, especially as several blank pages immediately follow the conclusion of the Bodleian copy.

NOTES

Title, The Choosing of Valentines, Nashes Dildo.

2   yong, younge; their iollie roguerie, their brauery; iollie, Fr. joli, pretty, fine. Bravery, finery; Cf. Holinshed's Chron. of Eng., 55—The ancient Britons painted their bodies "which they esteemed a great braverie."

3   Rose earelie in the morne fore, Rose in the morning before; daie, daye.

4   soe trimme and gaie, soe fresh and gaye.

5   summer sheene, somers shene.

6   haidegaies on, high degree in.

7   alas at Easter, or, allso at Ester and.

8   Perambulate, preambulate.

9   to som, into some; abbordring, bordering.

10   taste the creame and cakes, tast the cakes and creame.

11   Or, To.

12   by Bachelrie of Maningtree, by the bachelours of magnanimity. "Manningtree, in Essex, formerly enjoyed the privilege of fairs, by the tenure of exhibiting a certain number of stage plays yearly. It appears also, from other intimations, that there were great festivities there, and much good eating, at Whitsun ales, and other times."—Nares.

13   Where to, the contrie franklins, Whether our Country Franklins.

14   Jhon and Jone com, John and Joane come.

15   Euen, Even; hallowes, Hallowes; Saint, Sainct.

16   doeth, doth; louers, lovers; those, omitted in Rawlinson.

17   ladies, Ladyes.

18   she, shee; valentine, valentyne.

19   woe, alass, out, alas.

20   an upper, another.

21   -haft and crab-tree face, with his crabbed face.

22   scar'd hir, scard her; the, that.

23   And now she was compel'd for Sanctuarie, And she, poore wench, compeld for Sanctuary.

24   unto, into; venery, Venery.

25   bouldlie,, bouldly; enquire, inquire.

26   hackneis, hackneyes. Hackney, a person or thing let out for promiscuous use, e.g., a horse, a whore, a literary drudge. Cf. "The hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love perhaps a hackney."—Love's Labour Lost, iii., 1.

27   crau'd, craud.

29   Therwith out stept, With that, stept forth; three chinnd, three-chinde. Foggie = fat, bloated, having hanging flesh. Cf. "Some three chind foggie dame."—Dolarney, Primrose.

30   us'd, vsd; yong, younge.

31   ask't, askt; I ment as I profest, soothe were my request.

32   onelie ask't, onely moud.

33   it, yt.

34   com, come; give, giue; Jill, Gill.

35   "Why, Sir." quoth shee, "if that be your demande, "If that yt be," quoth she, "that you demaunde."

36   Com laye me a God's-pennie, then giue me first a godes peny. "God's-pennie, an earnest-pennie."—Florio, p. 36.

37   oratorie siccarlie, oratory, siccarly. "Oratory," properly a private chapel or closet for prayer; here a canting term for brothel: cf. abbess = bawd; nun = whore, and so forth. "Siccarly," certainly, surely "Thou art here, sykerlye, Thys churche to robb with felonye," MS. Cantab Ff. ii., 38, f. 240.

38   heere, in; nicarie, deuory. "Nick," female pudendum: hence nickery, copulation. Deuory may either be Fr. devoir, duty; or devoure, to ravish, to deflower.

39   offertorie, affidavit.

40   wee'le, Ile.

41   hearing hir so ernest, seeing her soe earnest.

42   Gave hir hir, I gaue her her; and she the dore unlocks, and she the doare vnlockes.

43   In am I entered, Nowe I am entered; venus, sweet Venus.

44   where's this female, where's the female; do this, do the.

45   By, through; meanders and by crankled, meander and through crooked.

46   Shee leades, Shee leads; Aucthor saies, author sayes.

47   we came within, I came vnto; shadie, shady.

48   bounsing vestalls, bouncing vestures; skirmish, skyrmish; oft, omitted.

49   shee, she; leather chaire, Lether chayre.

50   prettie Trulls, wenches straight.

51   To chuse of them, And bad me choose; myne, my.

52   hir, she; no where espie, noe waye espye.

53   them, her; them her.

54   Yet, But.

55   Bawde, baud; as daintie, soe dainty; bee, be.

56   forth to, vnto.

57   Halliedame, Holy Dame; she, shee; Gods oune, gods one.

58   wylie, wyly.

59   more, better.

60   You'l smell, youle find; nare so, now soe.

61   hir, her.

62   think, look; purse-strings, purse-stringes; abye it deare, abide yt deere.

63   that will eate quailes, whoole feed on quayles; crounes, crownes.

64   Mistris Francis, Mistres Fraunces; veluett gounes, velvett gownes.

65   And ruffs, Her ruffe; perwigs, perriwigge; as, soe; Maye, May.

66   with half a croune, for half a crowne.

67   hostess, hostes; we, wee.

68   Though, although.

69   bonnie, bonny.

70   tenne, tenn; gobbs I will unto thee tell, goblets vnto thee Ile tell. "Gob, a portion" (H).

71   lyke thee, like you.

72   doe I hir companie, I doe her company.

73   Awaie, Awaye; thing, worde.

74   That (mauger) will inuade, it makes invasion in.

75   Hey-ho, Loe! here; hearte, harte; keepe, keeping.

76   Lullabie, lullaby; and falle a sleepe, fall a sleeping.

77   coms, comes; ground, ground.

78   Hir, her; silkes, silcke; confound, Confound.

79   Oh, Awaye; rauisht, ravisht; voide, voyd; chamber, Chamber; streight, straight.

80   For I must neede's be on hir, I must be straight vppon her.

81   smilde, smiled.

82   beguilde, beguiled.

83   With smiles, with flatt'ring wordes, and fained cheere, With sighes and flattering woordes and teares.

84   their, your; their, much; doeth appeare, still apeares.

85   how, How; lambkin, Tomalyn; replide, replied.

86   dancing, dauncing.

87   it be, be it; this, thy.

88   camp, campe.

89   onelie, only; sweete heart, sweete harte; came, cam.

90   auoide, avoyd; troblous and stormie, troublesome, stormye.

91   But now, And since; coaste, coast; we wil, I will.

92   Since, for; louer, louers.

93   sprung, sprunge; lips, lippes.

94   And fast about the neck me colle's and clips, and about my neck she hugges, she calles, she clippes. "Coll or "cull," to kiss, to embrace; so also "clip."

95   faints, faynes; vpon hir, vppon the.

96   tosseth, tosses; and fro hir, and froe her.

97   shutts hir eyes, shakes her feete.

98   who, whoe; abstaine, forbeare; long, longe.

99   I com, I com, I come, I come; lyning, Ladye; be, by.

100   Softlie my fingers up this curtaine heaue, softly my curtaines lett my fingers heaue.

101   make, send; happie, happye; stealing, sailing; degreese, degrees.

102   First bare hir leggs, then creepe up to hir kneese, First vnto the feete, and then vnto the kneese.

103   From thence, And soe; unto, vnto; mannely, manly.

104   lingring, lingering; am so, come soe.

105   Smock, Smocke; climbe, clime.

106   Oh heaven and paradise are all, all earthly pleasures seeme to this.

107   Compar'd with this sight I now, Compard be these delightes which I.

109   prettie rysing, prettye rising; weame, wenne. "Wem," spot or blemish.

110   shone, shine(s); anie siluer streame, any christall gemme.

111   bare, beares; bending, riseing; an, a.

112   a fountaine dwelleth still, the(r) runnes a fountayne still.

113   his, her; uglie bryers, rugged briers.

114   duskie, duskye; wyres, wires.

115   loftie, lusty; veines, vaines.

116   comelie, comely; distreines, restraines. "Distreines," to seize, to touch.

117   wanton, harmles; harmlesse stype, wanton gripe.

118   fruites of loue oftsoone, fruite thereof too soone

119   And, A; too tymelie, to tymely; the stemme, his springe.

120   To dye ere it hath seene Jerusalem, it is, dyes ere it can enioye the vsed thinge.

121   Gods, Godes; euer anie, ever any; so, soe.

122   So suddenlie, soe suddenly; awaie, awaye.

123   Hir, Her; are spread and I am all unarm'd, and legges and all were spredd, But I was all vnarmed.

124   Lyke, like; with, that; charm'd, charmd.

125   Omitted in Rawl. MS.

126   spend their, spent there; hir, your.

128   It, Yt; beawtie cann, beauty can.

129   clap, clipp; I feele, I view, I wincke, I feele.

130   dead he lyes, lyes he dead; thinking, feeling.

131   Unhappie me, By Holly dame; stand, staund.

132   Com, now; rubb, roule; chafe, rub; with, in.

133   Perhaps, perhapps; sillie, seely; is labour'd, hath laboured.

134   wearied that it can, worked soe that it cann.

135   If it be so, Which if it be; am greate a-dread, doe greately dread.

136   tenne, ten; were, weare.

137   How ere it is, What ere it be; no, noe; want, lacke.

138   maie auaile to, maye avayle for; recouerie, recoverye.

139   saide, said; and rould, & rowld; hir thigh, her thighe.

140   And when she look't on't she would weepe and sighe, and looking downe on it, did groane and sighe.

141   dandled, haundled; dancet, daunced; up, vpp; doune, downe.

142   she rais'd, shee raisd; his swoune, her sound.

143   he flue, it flewe; hir, her; he, it.

144   hir breeche did hack and fayne, her breech laboured & foam'd.

145   prickt, and pierst her, peirct her euer.

146   farre, deepe; might, could digg; "eath," easy.

147   stryking, stricking; and, &.

148   Now dyuing deepe he toucht hir, And diving deeper, peircte her.

149   gird, girde.

150   Straite, then; statlie, stately.

151   him, he; so, soe.

152   pacient Grissill, patient Grissell; hir warde, his ward.

153   blythe, blith; free, fresh.

154   ere-more, euer; midle, middle of the.

155   him hir eyes continualy, her his eyes Continually.

156   hir eye-beames his, his eye-browes her; looke's, eyes.

157   twixt, betwixt; plaies, playes.

158   one, the one; th'other cast's rebounding, the other casting redounding.

159   He lyke, She like; reguild, requite.

160   Sucks-in, suckes; of Phebus, of sweete Phebus.

161   lynes, beames: descending, discending.

162   bright, deepest; hir dearest sight, the purest light.

163   Planet, plannet.

164   Hir puritie, her puritye.

165   verie chamber, verye Chamber; enclouds, includes.

166   Lookes lyke, seemes as; that God deuine, the gods devine.

167   Who, Whoe; daie, daye; Zodiake, Zodiacke.

168   euerie euen discends to th'oceane, in the even, settes of the ocean.

169   So fierce, soe feirce; is hir radiance, in her radiaunce.

170   fyrie stakes, flyeing breath; darts, dartes; euerie glance, every glaunce.

171   enflame, inflame; icie limmes, verry mappe.

172   make, cause; his seignedrie to aswage, him suddenly tasswage.

173   To, and; upon her, vppon those; lamps, lampes.

174   his chiefest ioyes encamps, his ioyes incampes.

175-6    Omitted in Rawl. MS.

177   Thus gazing, and thus striuing, we perseuer, Thus striking, thus gazeing, we perseuere.

178   what so firme, nought soe sure; maie, will; euer, ever.

179   Oh! Fleete; rauisht Mistris cryes, ravisht senses cries.

180   Leaste, sith; content that on, Content vppon.

181   Be, Which; too, soe; seat, seates.

182   And me unwares of hoped bliss defeat, me vnawares of blissefull hope defeates. Here occur two lines in the Rawl. MS. which do not appear in the Petyt MS., as follows:

Togeather lett our equall motions stirr,

Togeather lett vs liue and dye, my deare;

183   Together lett us marche unto content, Togeather let vs march with one contente.

184   consumed with one blandishment, Consum(e)d without languishmente.

185   prescrib'd, so kept we crochet, prescribed so keepe we clocke and.

186   lyke, like; chyme, chime.

187   Whilst she, soe shee; had preseru'd, here preferd; pittie, pittye.

188   Unto, vnto; musike, musicke; dittie, dittye.

190   Euen, even; blisse and sorrowe doeth, ioyes and sorrowes doe.

191   lapp, lappe; louelie, louely.

192   entretaine the, entertaine this; shoure so free, showry see.

193   trikling falles, drisling fall(es); treasurie, treasurye.

194   As Aprill-drops, Sweete Aprill flowers; half so, halfe soe.

195   overflowe to Ægipt-plaines, overfloweinge Egipt playne.

196   As this sweet-streames, as is the balme; hir ioints imbaynes, her woombe destreynes.

197   With Oh! and Oh! she itching moues hir hipps, Now! oh now! she trickling moues her lippes.

198   And, and often; full lightlie starts and skips, she lightly startes and skippes.

199   ierkes, yerkes; leggs, legges; sprauleth, fresketh.

200   No, noe; maie, can; solace, pleasures.

201   I faint! I yeald! Oh death, rock me, I come! I come! sweete death, rocke mee.

202   entombed, intombe me.

203   my deare, my dearest saint, my deare, and dearest she.

204   For, from us yett, thy spirit maie, from us two (yett) this pleasure must.

205   Untill, Vntill; channels, Chambers.

206   Without their source, Withould themselues; imprisoned, newe prisoned.

207   will we, we will; com too, come soe.

209   whilst, whilest; speake, speke; is fleeting, in stealing.

210   fleshie, earthly.

213   but an houre, but one houre; an houre is, one houre is; so, soe

214   But, nay; if that, and if.

217   Maie be alightned with a little pause, Maye now be lengthened by a litle pawse.

218   awaie, awaye; sudden, suddaine.

221   riuers nere returne, riuer nere returnes.

222   springe, spring; must helpe me or, must helpe, or elles.

223-34    Omitted in Rawl. MS.

235   Hence-forth no more will I implore thine, Hensforth I will noe more implore thine.

236   or man of cowardize upbrayde, for ever of Cowardise shall vpprayd.

237   dilldo, dildoe; suply their, supplye your.

238   knaue, youth; moues, is; by, in.

239   That, He; anie, any.

241-42    Omitted in Rawl. MS.

243   For, by saint Runnion, he'le, And when I will he doth.

244   make, makes; bellie, belly.

245   whose triumph now, thy kingdome needes; falle, fall.

246   Except, eccept; walle, wall.

247   usurps, vsurpes; boure, bower.

248   undermines, vndermines; euerie howre, euery hower.

249   sly he, slyly; betwixt, betwene.

250   sucks, suckes; whilst, while; detaineth, deteyneth.

251   page, lake; stound, sound. "Stound," a moment.

252    "tent," to search out.

253   Courtlie Nimphs, courtly nimphs; be so, are full.

254   blynd-alluring, blind-alluring.

255-6    Omitted in Rawl. MS.

257   fortifies disdaine, fortifyes disdayne; forraine, foraigne.

258   And wanton-chaste deludes, while wantons chast delude.

259   anie, any; Mistris serue's, Mistres serve.

260   Or, and; (unhappie) pines and staru's, full deeply pyne and sterue.

261-64    Omitted in Rawl. MS.

265   womans secretarie, woemans secretary.

266   Lett, let.

267   handfulls highe, handfulles high.

268   plumb, plump; yett hauing, and having.

269   rhewme so feruentlie doeth raigne, rheume soe fervently doth raine.

270   That, the; gulph maie, gulfe can; containe, conteyne. Here follow, in the Rawl. MS., lines 290-93 of the Petyt; lines 292-3 being also reversed in the Rawl. text.

271   Attired, attird; veluet, velvet.

272   nourisht, norisht; hott, warme; milk, milke. "Whott," hot.

273   Arm'd otherwhile, Running sometymes.

274   more glib, more like; to hell be lowe, downe into hell.

275   charriot, chariot; rydes, rides.

276   The which an arme strong driuer stedfast, An arme strong guider steadfastly him.

278   who, whoe; pathes unknowne, places vnknowne; gate, pace.

279   Sometimes, sometymes; smoothlie slideth doune a, smoothly slippeth downe a.

280   Another while, some other tymes.

281   clammie waies, clayey wayes; treaddeth, treadeth.

282   plasheth and sprayeth, placeth himself &; be him nye, standeth by.

283   So, soe; iollie rider, royall rider.

284   Plunging and sousing, Plungeing & sowsing; lyke, like.

285   He dasht, and spurted, and he plodded, Bedasht, bespotted, and beplotted.

286   blinde, foule.

287   Fy-fy, for grief, But free from greife; ladies chamberlaine, ladyes chamberlayne.

288   not thou, thou not: refraine, refrayne.

289   reade thee, tell the; blab, blabb. "Reade," warn.

290   aduised, advisd; thou vainelie, thou soe vainely.

291    Transposed in Rawl. MS. with line 292; wilt, shouldst.

292   Cicelie shewe but, Illian queene knowe; knauerie, bravery.

293   Denis shield, Dennis sheild; female sprites, femall sprightes.

294   Dames, dames; Cupid's Poet, Cupid's poett.

295   pennd, pen; storie onelie, story onely.

296   Who giuing suck unto a childish Elfe, And, giving yt to such an actuall Elfe.

297   And, am; discourag'd, discoraged; nurserie, mistery.

298   hir, her; penurie, misery.

300   seaventh iournie, seauenth Iourny.

301   want, wantes; hearbe's, omitted; and, &; soile, soyle.

302   wearie, weary; toile, toyle.

303   Druggs or Electuaries of new devise, Or drugges or electuaryes of newe devises.

304   Doe shunne, that shame; that trembles, & tremble; the, thie; price, prices. In the Rawl. MS., lines 307-8 of the Petyt MS. follow here.

305   Sufficeth all I haue, I yeald hir hole, For that I allwayes had, I payd the wole.

307   I paie our hostess, I paid of both the; and, &; at moste, allmost.

308   And, yet; and, &; anie, any.

309   can, cann.

310   doune, downe.

311   climbe, clims; banks, bankes.

312   gentlemen, if I, gentleweomen doth this; not thanks, no thankes.

313   so, soe: unto, vnto.

314   thread, thred; plaie is donne, playes done.

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Table of Contents

- TO THE RIGHT honorable the Lord S.a

- NOTES

- THE CHOOSING° OF VALENTINES.

- NOTES

- THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE